Hear me Roar!
by Sophiepicklegirl
Summary: What if Bella and Edward's 'bit and bobs' could talk! Just a one-shot piece of silliness... Rating due to the conversation between the er...sexes... Enjoy!


**This is something that just popped into my head as a one shot and I must say a big thank you to Libby ({'}) for inspiring me! (Drowning not waving, by Bower of Bliss)**

**What if Bella and Edward's bodies could speak for themselves, okay, well certain parts of their anatomies anyway. **

**'Bella's' POV is in italics and centred and 'Edward's' POV is not…**

**Oneshot, rather silly. Enjoy!**

**o0o0o0o0o**

"_Whoa there, Bella! Are you having a bit of an eye fuck up there, girly?! Oh? Ooohh! I guess you are, dirty girl! Let's not get too carried away, Harry Stiles doesn't normally make me ache like this! What does this boy look like, I mean, I'm really starting to ache down here! Helloo?!_

"_All you're doing is sitting and wriggling, massaging me into the wooden stool you're sitting on and… Where are the towels?!_

_I. Am. Sooo. Wet! Ewwww!"_

**On a wooden stool, inches away, in a biology lab, somewhere in Forks...**

"What _is_ that smell? Is it…? It _is…_!"

"It's a… _woman_, isn't it?! You dirty little boy!"

Wriggling eyebrows while smirking suggestively, figuratively, of course.

"Who the fuck _is_ she? Wow! She's smells Soooo… aroused? WFT?! Hey up there, Ed! Wakey, wakey!

"She's sooo in to you dude. I think it's about time you let me out of this dark space. I need to see her, just one little peek, please. Look I'm trying to peer over the top of your jeans, I'm trying to help you here! Gimme a break...

"I mean it's been over one. Hundred. Fucking. Years. Well, maybe not so much of the fucking. Yup celebacy's my middle name. I Don't want to die a virgin! IN FACT… Hey are you listening?! I need out, man. I want her… please let me out of here! Is it my imagination or are the walls closing in?! Hey is there anybody there? Hellloooo?! HELP ME!"

o0o0o0o

**Sometime later that evening.**

"Thank fuck, you've finally let me out. Where is she? I mean! I've been standing to attention all day like the good little soldier I want to be and exactly what have you done about it, eh? Pushed me about inside your jeans, squashed me against your zip… I've got marks, man! That zip is sooo gonna pay for it. I mean, come _on_! Now you've let me out, where _is_ she?!"

Sigh. Pout.

"Her smell is gone, Ed. Where is she? I need to see her, smell her, hide in her… hey? What you doing? NNOOOO! Don't strangle me! Stop tugging me… that's uncomfortable, man… hey?

"Mmmmmm, Oh yeah, do that again, that tugging? I take it alllll back, it's kinda nice. You've never done that before… oohh. Ouch! Getting a bit dry here! Look you're making me cry! I can feel it on my face!...

"Ed?

"Aagh! That's cold! Smells nice, though…WTF! Stop pulling me about…

"Stop it! You're making me even harder and don't even ask what the boys below are doing, they're kinda moving around and they're starting to ache… and…

"What was I talking about?! Don't stop! I think? I don't know what you're doing but OMG! What are you doing, everything aches and I feel so…

"Strong! I could cut through steel, I could hammer nails into a wall. I COOULD FLY!

"Ah! Don't stop, please don't stop! Pleasedon'tpleasedon'tplease…

"OMG! I've just been sick...

"That's weird! But I reallllyy liked it up til then! Bet you won't do that again now that I've embarrassed myself. Sigh. I feel sooo sleepy.

"That's it, clean me up. I'm sooo sorry, I promise I won't embarrass myself again. Sniff. Oh, thanks for squeezing that last bit out…

"I am sooo sleepy."

Soft snoring commences.

o0o0o0o0o

**And somewhere on the other side of town…**

Pout_. _

"_What did he look like? I could smell him… he was sooo close and all I got out of it was a soggy bottom which. You. Made. Me. Sit. In…. ALL….Day! Yuk!_

"_Bitch!"_

Small buzzing sound.

"_WTF?! What's that noise?"_

Buzzing gets louder.

"_Gah! You could have warned me… oh! Oooohhhhh! Aaaah! Yeah… just there…_

"_Oh yeah…. Bellllaaaaa, Baby. Let me feel… I'm soo wet. Just there…_

"_Edward?! Who the fuck?… Oh so _that's_ his name, is it? I wonder what his penis is called? Little Eddie? Edward Junior? Mmmm. Fuuuuck! I know it's… it's….. aaagh! Gngnnn…. What was I saying?"_

"_I'm all wet and Soooo relaxed, yeah, Baby Edward…"_

Buzz

"_More? You want me to give you more?! OMG! Here I go again! Wheeee! Aaaaaaaaggggggghhhhh!"_

Sobs loudly while taking deep breaths.

"_Please, I need… water… I need to go lie down… I can't go on..."_

Buzz

"_Oh, maybe I could take one more for the girrrrrllllllls! He must be beautiful! Please can I see him, please can I see him? Pleeasepleasepleaseplease…._

"_Yeeessssss!"_

o0o0o0o0o

"Hi, I'm…

"Well hello there, Miss Pussy Cat, I'm…

"Hi, I'm Edward's dick…

"Well hellooo there, beautiful… how 'bout hooking up for a game of hide the sausage…

"Mmmm, so wet, so warm…

"WTF?! Not again. Edward's gonna kill me! I've been sick! AGAIN! Oh the misery! Oh the shame!"

"Oh, er, hi Ed, Buddy. I didn't mean to. I was just thinking about, her… and well you know?!"

"Oh, thanks for getting that last bit out, why did you know to do that? Oh the shame!

"Stop stroking me, you know what it does… Why am I sooo stiff again? What is the matter?! You're giving me whiplash! We went forever without seeing her but now she's back and every time I think of her smell I get stiff, you pet me to comfort me… then I'm sick. I think I need to go to see your Dad. I'm not well! I'm either stiff or being sick and then sleepy. I must have a virus – or an allergy…maybe it's something you drank?

"OMG I can't breathe! What is that thing you've rolled down over me?! Ewwww, it stinks. It fits like a fucking straightjacket and.. and I can't feel anything! OMG You've paralysed me! Oh… wait... maybe I can feel something! Stop! For the love of God! Stop or I'll be sick again! Please stop!

"Don't stop! That feels so gooood, even with this tight cover on me. Why am I wearing it again?! It really stinks…. Aaaagh yeah. OMG I'm gonna be…."

"Oh, that's better! The top broke and I can breathe again. I'm soo sorry I've been sick, but at least the vomit ate through that stupid cover thingy. Deep breath. Yeah, fresh air…"

o0o0o0o

"_Please can I see him? Please,please, please? He gets within five miles of me and I'm putty in his hands. Ok so penises don't have hands, but please, Bella! I can SMELL him. Everyday for the past few weeks he's been here, taunting me… I know we had a while where he didn't show up and you forgot all about poor little old me. Then there was that other guy, but he didn't smell right in fact he smelled of wet dog - ewwww - and I just wasn't …into him… but _he's_ back, girl. So what are you waiting for?!_

"_I know he's here. You're making me ache so I know he's close…_

"_Oh yeah, Baby! That's it, kiss him and then let me get a bit of the action! I'm getting ready, I'm limbering up... and licking my lips... opening wide, oooopeennn..._

"_WTF? Where'd he go? Nooooo! You let him go… poor me…just when it was getting sooo good..."_

Buzzz

"_It's…just…not…the…same…" _

Pout

"_But if you insist…."_

o0o0o0o0o

"_Wow, don't I feel pretty? First silky white lace that teased me then lots of white fabric that swished round me, then him… Whatshisname kept poking into the side of me. Damn! I'm feeling horny and I swear he feels the same, but he's just not coming over to see me."_

"_Felt a bit queasy a while ago, but now it's soo nice and warm here and the sea is lapping round… the sea? Since when have you been into swimming, Bella…?"_

"OMG, omg, omg… deep breaths, act casual... she's here! I can smell her. I'm over here! Yoohoo! I'm in the warm sea waiting for you!"

"_Oh, well helloo, Big Boy….Wanna come play?!"_

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah… what was the question again?"

"_I said, come here, Big Boy. Hi there, I'm Swanhilda and I'm sooo pleased to meet you…"_

"Well hellloooo there, Cutie Pie. Don't you look all pouty and just ripe for the picking! I'm Ed's cock and I'd _really_ like to get to know you. Do you come here often?"

Swanhilda? Who the fuck is called Swanhilda? Oh who cares, I'm gonna get in there. I'm gonna get wet at last! Woo hoo!

"_Oh yeah, come here and let me show you a good time. Don't forget to make a deposit, ha ha!" _

_Ed's cock?! What kind of name is that? Oh well, who cares! This is it! I'm gonna wrap myself around him…_

"Fuck you're tight! You feel incredible. Oh my God! First time I get an Inside Job and I think I'm gonna be sick…"

"_Ouch! Is it supposed to hurt?! Fuck! You really need to slow down, Buster or I'm gonna split open…"_

"Ed, Oh please! Stop shoving me in and out, I'm gonna be…"

"..._or maybe not! Yeah, that's it. Mmmmm nice and slow and I guess I now know what all the wetness is for. Hey, you don't need to boast. I feel ya! Oh yeah, hit that spot again… that's sooo good. Who needs a vibrator… Hey, who's fingers are those? Bella? Who the fuck is stroking me if it's not you?!"_

"I'm gonna be…"

"_Don't get any bigger I won't be able to cope… Oh yeah' keep hitting that spot. OMG! OMG! Omg omg… o.m.g..." _

Smug sigh.

"_That's it, let me milk you dry. Come for me Baby… That's it, fill me with your seed…"_

"What?! What are you talking about woman? Oh fuck! I've been sick again. Oh the shame."

"_Yum, so fucking tasty, keep giving me your little swimmers…"_

"You mean, I'm supposed to be sick? Thank fuck for that! Yippee! RESULT! Get in there, my Son!"

"_Yeah, whatever, I got some serious baking to do so just fuck off, ok?"_

"Yippee! Can I go again, please, please,please?!"

_Sigh… "If you must…"_

"I'm a lion - hear me ROAR!"

**o0o0o0o0o**

**Waddya think? Little bit more light hearted than I'll Put You Together Again, huh?**


End file.
